Update

Figured I would share a bit of what has been happening in the Winter's household. First of all, without irking any of my all natural ladies out there, I had to go on anti-depressants shortly after Cayd was born. For those of you who have never suffered from PPD, it is a seaky sneaky thing! I couldn't function. My poor children were probably petrified of me, not to mention my husband! Breathing was literally painful. I could not stop crying. My sweet friend Amy finally told me one day that she was very concerned and thought I should call the dr who IMMEDIATLY put me on something. I promise, withing 24 hours, I was a different person. I'm still on them and will be for awhile. I'm a much happier, gentle, kinder person. I'm able to deal with things the way I "should" be able to and things, like my OCD with cleaning, is also under control. I share this because I know God had something coming at us. :)
www.apexsportsacademy.com
A few weeks ago my husband quiet his job. ***DEEP BREATH*** Yeah. It had actually come down to a quit or be fired scenario. Buddy, honestly, did nothing to deserve this but it was a blessing in a very scary disguise. With his job he was on call 24/7. He could NEVER be w/out his phone and his company would call in the middle of the night, mid of church, middle of ANYTHING. It was a huge stress factor. Plus they could send him out of town at a moments notice for how ever long they determined. I think we were all a bit more stressed then we thought. They paid very well and so it was very much paid slavery. They had just pushed him to the limit. Of course through all this, I prayed desperatly. I wanted to support my husband. In a sense, he was begging me for "permission" to quit. Of course, I was so scared because, hello! Finances! And how was he ever going to find a job paying that sort of money around here. God very kindly revealed my gluttony though and reminded me of how much He loved us. When Buddy actually quit, he looked like a different person. He was so happy!!

We have enough $$ to last us until mid July or so. Its incredible how little one can live on under extreme circumstances. Buddy has been "working" at a sports academy called APEX that he actually had a hand in starting. Its really neat and he has felt God calling him to be there full time. Of course, seeing that its just starting out, its pretty much a "just bills paid" deal. Not that I'm complaining. AND he's getting ready to start something called Combat Cardio which has a very MMA feel to it. In other words...I'm happy living on NOTHING because my husband is doing what God is calling him to do. Its CRAZY but it works. I was worried about insurance but for now my kids are covered under Alabama AllKids.

We have been so blessed too! I'm surrounded by friends who know exactly what I'm going through. And the other day when I received our bill for our lawn care (which I had cancelled because we couldn't afford it), they had written a "no charge" for the last month and wished us luck. What a blessing. I'm just amazed at how much less cluttered life feels right now. I never realised how good it felt to be so dependent on God. I'm thrilled to see where God is leading our family. I love it here!

Thanks for listening to my rant!!!!!

Cayd Aaron Winters

I was due with Cayd on March 11th (Aidan's bday) but that day came and went and nothing. March 12th dawned....and nothing. We ran errands and that night around 7 I was texting a friend begging her to bring me more blue kohosh and settling in for another sleepless night. All of a sudden, (and I mean all of a sudden) I got hit with a GIGORMOUS contraction. I looked at my mom and said, "OWWWWWWWWW!" She laughed and jokingly asked where Buddy was and I told her I had no idea, possibly Tae Kwon Do. Anyway, not too much longer there came another one and I realised I had skipped all the normal first stages of labor and it was ON. I desperatly texted my 2 besties and husband telling them in not so much nice language it was time and asked where the bleep were they. I finally got ahold of Buddy and told him that I was in labor and we needed to go NOW. He came flying in a few minutes later but I had changed my mind and decided I wanted to stay home. He took one look at me and said that I didn't have a choice, that we were leaving. The drive only took 10 minutes. I hit the ground running, bolting into the delivery room (my nurse had called and prepared them, letting them know I was a quick deliver and so they skipped triage and put me in a room right away) grabbing the gown and pee cup and hit the bathroom. I stipped dwn and jumped on the bed in less than a minute. My goal was to labor naturally and I was desperatly willing my body to relax so I could get it over with and not cave to an epidural. Later my friends said that while I was in the bathroom, the nurse asked how many times I had done this before and they laughingly told her 3.

They hooked me up and my contractions were strong, consitent, at 3 min apart and almost 1 1/2 min long. I was at a 5-6 cent dilated. My friend Sarah was acting as my doula and she had brought a scented burts bees eye mask so I laid there and pretended I was somewhere else. I was doing great and my dr came in and broke my water. Then the problems started. When she broke my water, Cayd didn't come down. So they watched for a little longer and she checked me and I was at and 8. I, of course, at this point threw up. One of the lovely things I do with all my labors at 8 ctm. While she was checking me, I dilated to 9. Then my room started filling with nurses and drs. Cayd's heartrate had started dipping dangerously low. So they "encouraged me" to get an epidural. I questioned this, seeing I was at 9 and they asked me if I even felt the urge to push. I said no and relised that at 9 ctm I should have the urge. So I consented. (I will say this, if I had known I would have such an efficient anestisologist (SP) I would have had one before I walked in the door.) My dr checked again and she felt his elbow coming out. I asked if she could just push it back in and she said no. She said then that we needed to consider Plan B. I told her I didnt have a plan B and she yes I did and that was an emergency csection.

I asked if Buddy and I could have a moment and they all left. He told me it was the best thing because unbeknowst to me Cayd had been struggling with his heartrate for awhile. Icried and called my mom who prayed and then the dr was back and saying we had to go IMMEDIATLY. I was so frightened! The trip to the operating room is a blur but I will say that the staff was awesome. I just laid there staring at those lights trying to grasp what was going on. It happened so fast. By the time Buddy came in and sat down, we heard Cayd cry. He was noosed up in his cord but was healthy at 7lbs 10oz and 21 in long and was born at 1150 pm. Recovery was insanely painful.

Looking back I'm so thankful I didn't stay home any longer. I was proud of myself for laboring naturally but thankful I was not stubborn in the end. I have a healthy baby boy to show for it and my family is complete!

Happy 6th Bday Aidan!

The day I welcomed you into the world was long and painful to say the least! I was never so unprepared as I was for becoming a mom. You definitly shook us up! You had your own idea on how much babies cry (hours and hours sounded fine to you), how much babies slept (in your case, how little), and what exactly you expected from us (only the world). I remember watching other people walk by our house in Spain and thinking how normal their life was compared to mine. I was definitly a mess.

HOWEVER. The miracle of it all is you, Son. You have taken on the role of first born in ways I never thought imaginable. I love to hear your voice as you scold your younger siblings on "the right way to behave." Your need to take care of "Mama Bear" is so strong. So strong that you willingly get up with Zane, bring him out to the living room and feed him, when he decides 530 is perfect time to get up in the morning. Oh, and always tacking on "I know you had a rough night Mom, so I thought you needed some more sleep." God bless you child!

Aidan is certainly a blessing, as all children are. I'm amazed at how firstborn's find their niche in being just that, the firstborn. He wouldn't be happy in any other role. Happy Happy Happy Birthday Aidan!!!

**on a side note...yes I'm still pregnant and yes I'm due today. Aidan really wants a new baby brother for is his birthday so please be in prayer for us**

Is it really Tuesday again?

1.) I should be making my lunch and eating it instead of sitting here doing this. But I do enjoy reading everyone else's and they make me feel so much better. (Heidi~I have no idea why we have SO MUCH laundry.)

2.) I'm sorry to say this, and I hope not to offend anyone, but I really hate our dog. No really. Hate is the word I intended to use. She managed to bring fleas into our house this summer. Long story short, it took MONTHS before we were through and I could finally relax and not want to just torch the house...considering its brick, think about how much TNT I would have to use! Anyway, she can now jump over our fence and does it whenever she wants to. She knows I can't physically drag her stupid but back in there so she stays just out of reach. Buddy won't let me get rid of her. Good thing I'm a christian and an honest one at that or else he might come home one day and she would be GONE. Dogs that jump out get picked up, don't they. If I take her tags off and she isn't microchiped....who would know? I'm not going to do that but there are DAYS!

3.) I was just so excited yesterday because the kids were being so sweet and studious. Then today happened. Yuck. They all made me so frustrated. I think its the rain. Oh well...at least they are napping now!

4.) Mattea likes to blow kisses to us and we have to "catch" them. We do it back and she is always so elaborate in her ways of catching them. Yesterday, I blew her a kiss and when she "caught" it, she "broke" it. She look and me as she tucked "half" in her pocket she said, "I'm going to save this one for later. " So cute!

5.) My good friend Sarah, who is going to act as my doula during labor, is knitting me a prayer shawl. She said it should help me get through labor. I think her original idea of waving the check book in my face will be reminder enough of why an epidural free birth is so important!

6.) As much as I'm enjoying being home so much, I am really beginning to miss church. I feel as though I haven't been properly fed in so long!

7.) I can't believe Zane is turing 2 on Monday! I mean, I believe it because he is certainly exhibiting "2" behavior however, isn't he the BABY??

8.) I'm actually really hungry at this point. I make all our cream soups homemade now and I'm thinking cream of mushroom sounds so good. I made some yummy Irish Soda Bread yesterday and that would be great with that.

9.) Celestial Season makes a SleepyTime Plus tea...it has valerian in it. It is amazing. Not only do you get the chamomile (SP), but you get the extra boost. I slept so good last night!

10.) Why do our young people view Veterans Day as simply a day "they don't have to go to school"? I have noticed on FB that a majority of teens and even some college have this point of view. Its really sad. I don't like it.

10 on Tuesday (k~actually its Wednesday)

*I borrowed this from Terah since I really need to be on here!*

1.) I'm really looking forward to having another boy. I absolutly adore having a daughter but boys (at least my boys) are so much easier than Mattea has been. Oh, his name will be Cayd Aaron.

2.) I'm amazed that God has helped me organize me time. Our dishwasher is broken and we won't be getting another quite yet. (You know, the whole pay cash for it thing.) I now have to keep up with washing dishes, cooking everything from scratch (think cream of mushroom/chicken/celery soups for baking), doing one load of laundry a day, and schooling. You know what though? It totally works and I can only lift my eyes to heaven and praise God.

3.) We are putting our house on the market in January or so. God is calling us to move to Idaho and so having a house to sell when the time comes to move will be just one less thing to worry about. I'm praying since we operate on God's economy rather than man's, that things will go smoothly. Never been a seller before and its pretty scary!

4.) We haven't been to church in awhile because Buddy wanted us to avoid getting sick. Its working but I sure miss the fellowship! It was tough to bite my tongue on that one and submit to my husband, although I knew and understood his reasoning behind it. In all honesty though, we have enjoyed being homebodies!

5.) I realised yesterday that I'm 20 days behind with Aidan in ABeka. Oops. He doesn't care and I know we will catch up somehow but it matters to me, just a little. He is doing great though. He loves school.

6.) They opened a new sushi place here in Gadsden and we love it!!! The kids are so happy, especially Aidan. Its funny how something like that will make me like it here a little bit more.

7.) Just realised as I was leaning back in exasperation because I'm only on #7 and can't think of ANYTHING else to say, that there are cobwebs on my ceiling. Just when I was feeling accomplished!

8.) Loves it when my kids can tell when I'm having a moment and tell me to simply "pray about it." God love 'em for that! Its always perfectly timed.

9.) Love that our measly little winter seems to be finally upon us. Sort of. I'm looking forward to decorating this year. Zane was in everything last year so this year its ON!

10.) Pheww! Thank goodness! I am trying to remember to affirm my husband everyday. Yesterday it was to tell him how much I appreciate being able to stay home with my children rather than have to work. I take it for granted sometimes and I'm really trying not to!

Expecting...

......A 4th bundle of joy! Yes, it is true. Buddy and I just found out we are having another baby. This has been with a lot of prayer and consideration. Some of you may know that Aidan and Mattea were both VERY planned but Zane was not, by us anyway. I felt done with 2 and a 3rd was tough, although life wouldn't be as fun without Zane. But, being done with 2, having a surprise 3rd, I definatly wasn't thinking about a 4th! Well, God never let me say "I'm never having more," obviously because He had plans. Buddy, of course, wants a whole houseful. So, yesterday I took the test and lo and behold, it was positive. I go Monday to the doctor. Apparently, sometime this month, my husband and I happened to be in the same room or something, because 1 month was all it took. We have never understood "trying." (Thank God) So.....that is what is going on. I will be excited, right now I am still in shock. Blessings!

Such a sad day.

Yesterday, I realised my wedding ring was lost. I had put it in a glass jewlery box on my dresser Friday night around midnight as I was coming down with the flu. I didn't even think about it until yesterday morning when I went to put it on. We believe that our 3 year old daughter, Mattea, took it and lost it. She says she touched it but doesn't know where it is. I called Buddy hysterical and he came home from work to help search for it and to try and get answers from the children. The day was long but beneficial~I got a lot of cleaning and organizing done. Last night though, I sat to read my Bible and to collect my thoughts on the day and rubbing my burning, swollen eyes, I realised something.

My sad day was not from the loss of my ring, although the pain of it was truelly horrible. The pain is from my reaction. I have always strived to teach my children that our possessions are Gods; everything we have is because of Him; one day, its all going to burn anyway; your worth is from God, not from things. I did nothing but prove to my children that mommy, at least yesterday, was a big fat liar. God dealt "harshly" with me this morning when reading
ICorinthians 3:12-23. The general idea is that Paul is talking about whether a man builds his foundation of gold, silver, costly stones (MY DIAMOND), etc, his work will be shown when put through the fire, testing the quality of it. If what he builds, survives, he gets his reward and if it burns, he suffers the loss. I was the one suffering a loss, not of the ring but of a battle. I succumbed to my failings as a sinner and allowed Satan to deceive me into thinking that I was less of a person because I didn't have my beautiful ring. My possessions were more important than the fact that its all GODS! He then goes on to talk about our bodies being the temple and then on to those who think they are wise. At this point, I really thought I couldn't take anymore. I have always "prided" myself on how I handle things. Well, this one was for me because I became (or realised that I was) a FOOL.

I mishandled everything yesterday. My hurt and anger toward my 3 year old. My weeping. My pride in my possession. I pray that the Holy Spirit give me the words to give my kids. I pray that they are able to learn from my mistake of putting too much value on something material. I never want my kids, especially my daughter, to think that their worth lies in "costly stones" but know that their worth comes in their salvation, as does mine. I was uncontrollably weeping yesterday but for many of the wrong reasons. I compared the loss to loosing a loved one. How dare I? In the face of adversity I hand my children the wrong blueprint.

Oh the sad day we had yesterday. I pray today, that God puts a new song in my heart and on my lips. I have some damage to undo.