Yesterday, I realised my wedding ring was lost. I had put it in a glass jewlery box on my dresser Friday night around midnight as I was coming down with the flu. I didn't even think about it until yesterday morning when I went to put it on. We believe that our 3 year old daughter, Mattea, took it and lost it. She says she touched it but doesn't know where it is. I called Buddy hysterical and he came home from work to help search for it and to try and get answers from the children. The day was long but beneficial~I got a lot of cleaning and organizing done. Last night though, I sat to read my Bible and to collect my thoughts on the day and rubbing my burning, swollen eyes, I realised something.
My sad day was not from the loss of my ring, although the pain of it was truelly horrible. The pain is from my reaction. I have always strived to teach my children that our possessions are Gods; everything we have is because of Him; one day, its all going to burn anyway; your worth is from God, not from things. I did nothing but prove to my children that mommy, at least yesterday, was a big fat liar. God dealt "harshly" with me this morning when reading
ICorinthians 3:12-23. The general idea is that Paul is talking about whether a man builds his foundation of gold, silver, costly stones (MY DIAMOND), etc, his work will be shown when put through the fire, testing the quality of it. If what he builds, survives, he gets his reward and if it burns, he suffers the loss. I was the one suffering a loss, not of the ring but of a battle. I succumbed to my failings as a sinner and allowed Satan to deceive me into thinking that I was less of a person because I didn't have my beautiful ring. My possessions were more important than the fact that its all GODS! He then goes on to talk about our bodies being the temple and then on to those who think they are wise. At this point, I really thought I couldn't take anymore. I have always "prided" myself on how I handle things. Well, this one was for me because I became (or realised that I was) a FOOL.
I mishandled everything yesterday. My hurt and anger toward my 3 year old. My weeping. My pride in my possession. I pray that the Holy Spirit give me the words to give my kids. I pray that they are able to learn from my mistake of putting too much value on something material. I never want my kids, especially my daughter, to think that their worth lies in "costly stones" but know that their worth comes in their salvation, as does mine. I was uncontrollably weeping yesterday but for many of the wrong reasons. I compared the loss to loosing a loved one. How dare I? In the face of adversity I hand my children the wrong blueprint.
Oh the sad day we had yesterday. I pray today, that God puts a new song in my heart and on my lips. I have some damage to undo.
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10 years ago
6 comments:
I'm so sorry! Did you ever find it? Well that's one of our hardest things as mommy's,trying to show our children how to live a godly life, but yet live our live as sinners! I'm sure you'll be able to undo any confusion, you sound like a very good example (most days) =] I'm sure I would've acted the same way! I do treasure my wedding ring more then I should, it's not the value of it, it's all the thoughtfulness about it from my husband.
Speaking of...
I went and got my ring cleaned and the lady there was telling me I should upgrade my ring to bigger better diamonds, I said no thanks, my ring means more to me because my husband got it for me and it's the actual ring at my wedding! She said, oh I see, well you can keep the same band and have them redo the rest,,,
uhhh no thanks!
I think she's just trying to make a sale, either that or they're not use to seeing a wedding ring more then a couple years old anymore!
You are probably right Shelby. Everyone wants bigger and better. Buddy had mine customed made and it just kills me. There was so much thought and sentimental value in it. BUT, its God's, not mine. These are such hard lessons and I'm so thankful to serve a forgiving God and have such loving children. No...we haven't found it yet. God will give it back when He knows I'm ready.
Aww, so sorry to hear Shea. I can understand an intial emotional response. I lost the stone out of my engagement ring while shopping over here. I scoured everywhere but alas, gone. Its not actually the ring I got married with though. But I was still really upset. Not because of its material but emotional value.
Im not really into jewellry but after Levi was born we had a wedding anniversary and Jack wanted to buy me something really special to wear. He picked out a really expensive and extravagant diamond and emerald cross. I felt too awful to wear it because of how much it cost. So ridiculous. We got a kitten, the kitten jumped up to where I was keeping my treasures & trinkets and knocked things into the floorboards, and it came out bent and missing a diamond and an emerald which we never found :S. I felt bad about it mostly for Jack but also because of its value. But in my heart I knew the whole time that I wasnt overly comfortable with it from the get-go.
In your situation, I would have been really set off by the little hands disturbing it. Theres that sadness when you lose something, but to have the feeling that someone has caused this loss...its frustrating. I wonder how many times God gets frustrated with our little hands as we unintentionally mess things up, misplacing treasures and conveniently forgetting about what we've done. Eeep.
Thanks for your honesty and self reflection in this post. I needed this reminder too.
You hit the nail on the head, Karina. Thank you for sharing. That was what hurt the most, I think. Knowing she did something with it and "conviently" forgot. Buddy and I were just talking about this morning too and said nearly the same thing. Love you girl and thank you so much for your insight.
That is such a bummer.
I react before I think on a daily basis. I believe this is why God gave me a child who has trouble controlling his emotions, so that I will learn to control mine. In doing this I will teach him how to as well. Unfortunately, I think I've taught him how "not" to act more than how we should act.
I agree that we need to be careful not to put too much value on material things. That's a hard one for me as well. I get sooo upset when the boys make a mess or ruin something. There have been many times that I have had to apologize to them for my reaction and placing more importance on things rather than my children. That being said, I do believe it's important to take care of things given and entrusted to us. We need to teach our kiddos this too.
Oh yeah! Don't vacuum until you search every square inch of carpet! =)
Thanks Heidi! Everytime anything goes in the trash, Buddy and I both check it! I'm honestly positive that God is humbling in this process and when I have learning my lesson, He will return it to me. I believe it with all my heart.
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